ITP - 005: Expat Stories and Language Fails

Matt: All right, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, international teachers, non-international teachers, maybe a few of you who just have issues sleeping at night or are just bored and looking for something to do, welcome to the International Teacher Podcast. This is Expat Matt, the family guy, and with me as always is Greg, the single guy. What’s up, Greg?

Greg: I didn’t have any issues sleeping the other night, but last night I didn’t get much sleep. So if I fall asleep in the middle of this podcast, I apologize to listeners. You can just entertain them for a little bit.

Matt: I will do my best. We’ve actually been getting a little bit of feedback from our limited fan base. Thank you to everybody who has been taking the time out of your busy schedules to give us a listen. We really appreciate it. Turns out we’ve got people chiming in from several different countries. We’re trying to develop an international listening community beyond just what’s at home. We’ve heard from the U.S., Canada, the Middle East, China, Austria, Mexico, Singapore. Have I missed any, Greg?

Greg: Absolutely. I want to give a couple of shoutouts. We’ve got people chiming in, and we’re hoping to be on a few more podcasts. I want to shout out Jason Regan. He’s got a podcast called DesignCast. I’ll get the name right eventually. He’s been really supportive, and we’re hoping to collaborate. He’s got something like 60 episodes already, and we’re on episode five.

Matt: This whole thing is opening up. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. It’s more than I ever wanted to deal with, but it’s connecting us with listeners around the world.

Greg: We’re aiming for 109 countries. That’s the goal. We’re going to beat that other group that has 138.

Matt: If that happens, we’re having a cheese curd party.

Greg: So what are we talking about today?

Matt: It’s the Middle East weekend for us, so instead of a structured topic, let’s just tell stories. Some gringo stories, some cultural moments.

Greg: You better explain the Middle East weekend thing for listeners.

Matt: In North America, the weekend is typically Friday and Saturday night into Sunday. Here, it’s different. Our weekend is Friday and Saturday, and our workweek runs Sunday through Thursday. So Thursday night feels like Friday night back home, and Sunday is our Monday.

Greg: That confuses people every time.

Matt: It definitely does. All right, let’s get into a story.

Matt: This goes back to my first year teaching overseas in Venezuela. I had a third grade student named Andres. It was just before Christmas break, and he asked me if we were going to have “a jackass” for Christmas. I stopped and said, “A jackass? What?” I asked him to spell it, and he tried. In Venezuela, the double L makes a “y” or “j” sound, so what he was trying to say was ayacas. But I thought he meant jackass, like a donkey, so I asked him if they ate donkeys. He looked at me completely confused and said no.

Matt: Eventually, I figured out he meant ayacas, which is a traditional Venezuelan Christmas food, similar to a tamale. It’s wrapped in a banana leaf, filled with meat and other ingredients, and baked. It’s actually really good, but for a minute there I had an eight-year-old thinking I believed his family ate donkeys. Ignorant gringo story number one.

Greg: That goes both ways though. Sometimes they struggle with English too. For example, you’d say you’re going to the beach, but that pronunciation doesn’t always come out clean.

Greg: I had a parent once call me and accuse me of swearing in front of her daughter. I was confused and asked what I said. She said she couldn’t repeat it, but it had to do with telling students to get out their “sheet.” She thought I said something else. I explained I was saying “math sheet,” and you could hear her laughing in the background once she realized the misunderstanding.

Matt: Language slip-ups definitely go both ways.

Greg: Let me tell you one from Honduras. My first year teaching overseas, I had 32 fifth graders in class. I wanted to connect English and Spanish, so I had students write letters in English and partnered with a class back in the U.S. who responded in Spanish. I decided to read the responses out loud using my developing Spanish.

Greg: I tried to say “I am 13 years old,” but instead I mispronounced the word for years. Instead of saying años, I said anos, which does not mean years. I lost complete control of the class. They were laughing for five to ten minutes straight, and I had no idea what I had said. That was a rough day.

Greg: Another one. When I first moved overseas, I got sick for months. Someone described it using a local phrase that translated to something like “rain down your leg.” Later in Venezuela, I heard another version that was even worse. Language gives you a window into culture, whether you want it or not.

Matt: That’s the truth. Let’s keep it rolling. I’ve got another one from the Middle East.

Matt: With everything going on recently, vaccinations became a big deal. Our school asked for volunteers to help at a government vaccination site. I figured if it helped me get back home to see family, I was in. I showed up to this massive facility. It was incredibly organized. Huge waiting areas, spaced seating, water everywhere. It honestly looked like it could host a 15,000-person event.

Matt: You bring your ID, they check you in, give you a receipt, and send you to a waiting area. When it’s your turn, you go get your shot, then sit for 15 minutes to make sure you’re okay. Smooth process. No issues.

Matt: Then came the second shot. There was a delay due to supply issues. Weeks went by, and eventually we got notice to re-register online. The system didn’t work. Wouldn’t load, wouldn’t process, nothing. So one night I just decided to drive down there and try my luck.

Matt: I get to the front, and they ask if I have an appointment. I said no. So I did what any reasonable person would do in the Middle East. I name dropped. I said, “Yeah, I talked to Mohammed. He told me to come down.” They looked at me, paused, took my ID, went to the system, and a few minutes later I had my registration slip. It worked.

Greg: That actually worked?

Matt: It worked. When in doubt, just say Mohammed. It’s the most common name, and nobody questions it.

Greg: That reminds me of something I heard about customs. If you act like you know someone, sometimes they just wave you through.

Matt: I’m filing that under questionable life advice, but I might try it.

Greg: All right, I’ve got one for you. Safari story.

Greg: I went on safari in Tanzania and Kenya. You ride around all day in these Jeeps with a guide who knows everything about animals and plants. I started learning words in Swahili. Giraffe is twiga, lion is simba. I thought I was doing great until I saw a warthog and confidently said “pumba.” The guides had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out that’s from The Lion King, not actual Swahili.

Matt: That’s fantastic.

Greg: Later, we learned about hippos. They stay underwater most of the day, come up occasionally, and are incredibly dangerous. The biggest surprise? Their main predator is lions when they come onto land at night. Safari changed my perspective completely. The scale, the animals, everything. And that whole trip came from me opening my mouth at a party and getting corrected by someone who actually grew up around lions.

Matt: That sounds about right.

Greg: It worked out though. Ended up going with a group, met the guide’s family, spent days out in the wild. One of the best experiences I’ve ever had.

Matt: I’m still not convinced I want to do that with four kids.

Greg: Probably wise.

Matt: Maybe when they’re older. All right, I think that’s a good place to start wrapping this one.

Greg: Yeah, we covered language mishaps, gringo stories, cultural differences.

Matt: And probably offended at least a few people along the way.

Greg: That’s part of the experience.

Matt: If you’ve got stories or want to reach out, you can email us at internationalteacherpodcast@gmail.com. We’re also on Instagram at itpexpats, and apparently Twitter too, though we’re still figuring that out.

Greg: As always.

Matt: This is Expat Matt, the family guy, signing off.

Greg: And Greg, the single guy.

Matt: Thanks for listening, everybody. We appreciate you taking the time to hang out with us. Hopefully you got a few laughs, maybe learned something, or at least didn’t fall asleep halfway through. We’ll keep the stories coming.

Greg: More stories, more experiences, and probably more language disasters.

Matt: That’s guaranteed.

Greg: All right, we’ll see you next episode.

Matt: Take care.